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Lisa

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(no subject) [Jun. 12th, 2007|11:49 pm]
Lisa
He asked ME to write him a song.
He is the songwriter not I.
But I love him, so I will try.
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Dream [Mar. 6th, 2007|10:17 pm]
Lisa
[mood |lovedloved]
[music |while I'm alive]

I had a dream about death last night, and at first I was frightened, but now I see it as a chance for a new life... Symbolism for a change.

I feel changed, I feel different lately. And I like it.

I'm falling quickly, in the most pleasant way a person can fall. And it certainly feels good to have someone there with me... :)
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Very last entry... [Oct. 1st, 2006|10:24 pm]
Lisa
Journals, I have found, are meant to be private. They cause problems when out in the public. Only when something is needed to be posted out to the world will I ever again write here. I have a little blue book now, and it does me justice. I like it, it's private, and doesn't hurt a soul. So I am sorry if my writing has impacted anyone. This will now souly be a post center. When I want the publics input.

Lisa
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"As you wish" [Jul. 15th, 2006|12:48 am]
Lisa
[mood |jealousjealous]

That little green eyed monster came out tonight. I really can't help it, some things never change. It wasn't as bad as I thought it could be. It makes me feel guilty, but then again, its not all my fault. There are so many signs, I just want them to come in more clearly.

I can't help myself. I don't think I'll ever get over it. And something tells me he won't either. As you wish, forever.
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(no subject) [Jul. 8th, 2006|01:22 am]
Lisa
[mood |contemplativecontemplative]

What if I had just left all my luggage at baggage claim? Just got off the plane and kept walking. Maybe things would be better. I could start fresh. Buy new items. Not have to stress over the old and used. But then again, what if I missed it? What if after leaving it there alone in the airport I left like I had just abandonded a part of my life, a part of who I am. Sometimes I feel old and used, how would I feel if someone just abandonded me at the airport. Maybe they would offer to pick me up after my flight and then just never showed up. Then I would be lost baggage too. Or, what I had two suitcases, but really could only carry one? Should I just leave one behind, or wait for someones help? Maybe there would be noone to help me. New York isn't exactly the most friendly of places. I would feel guilty about leaving the other luggage behind, but maybe I would be happy with my one bag. I really don't think I am strong enough to carry both, but what else could I do with it? Perhaps I could donate it, but why would someone else want my used luggage? Most of its contents wouldn't mean anything to them. And, if I was to choose between the two, should I go with the older one or the newer one? I have become quite used to the new one, but the older one has more history to it, and I like history. I really should just choose one because I would have carry on luggage too, which I honestly could not give up, so one of the other bags must go. Its just so hard to decide which one...
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(no subject) [Jul. 6th, 2006|11:58 pm]
Lisa
[mood |restlessunsatisfied]

I feel so useless lately, like I should be doing more than I am, which feels like nothing. I go to work and thats about it these days. I just came back from a vacation in Michigan, and I really felt that I needed one, but I didn't feel like I deserved it. I really wanted to join EMS this summer, I really wanted to get involved and help people. However, alot of this got in my way: number one- my mother- fire departments, EMS, she really just fights me about doing it. Number two- I don't have a car STILL! So even if I went against my mothers will and joined EMS anyway, I would have to ask her for a ride, and that just would not happen. And number three- It takes 6 months to become a full EMT, if you make it through, and how am I supposed to do that when I am going back to school. I think I might try and take some classes while I'm there to get some training, but I really need to talk to people about it. I just really feel like I need to be involved in helping people again. I got such a high from doing that with the fire department, but my mother took that away from me too. I can't wait for freedome. I can't wait to go back to school (even though I still don't have anywhere to live, and that topic should be an entry by itself). I just want to do what I want to do. You would think being 18 years old and a legal adult would change some things, but it doesn't. Not that I don't apreciate the things my mother does for me, I really do. Its just that we are so different and have a hard time understanding eachother, its frustrating.
Anyway, I want to do something usefull and help some people, get my hands dirty, feel overwhelmed with volunteer work. I want to come home feeling like I was supposed to be there at that time. I want to feel like I made a mark in someones life. I need that high, because there is nothing in the world like it, and I only got a small taste.
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(no subject) [Jun. 30th, 2006|11:56 pm]
Lisa
Living with anxiety is not a very fun thing... Maybe some day I should right a book about it. However, I would really need to figure out how to completely coupe with it, which I have not...

AND I WANT THIS APARTMENT SO BAD! AND THE OTHER IDEAS I HAVE IN MY HEAD TOO! MY FREAKING IMAGINATION PLAYS GAMES WITH ME AND I WANT IT TO STOP!!!! And yet I don't.
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(no subject) [Jun. 26th, 2006|11:19 pm]
Lisa
So close, and yet so far. Right now I really just want, and it kills me that it could be so near!
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(no subject) [Jun. 25th, 2006|12:30 am]
Lisa
[mood |amusedamused]

I was a little bit psychic today. For some reason, while I was at work, I imagined how interesting it would be if a deaf person came into the store, and how we would interact so that I could get him what he needed for his BBQ fun. No kidding, about an hour later a deaf person came into the store and I helped him get some pork chops. I didn't tell anyone at work about my imagining a deaf person coming into the store before one actually did; they probably would just have made fun of me. Seriously though, I day dream all the time. Its really just something I cannot help. But sometimes I get really emotional about the dream, as if it were real. I'll almost act out the part. I'm very strange like that, but its just who I am.

I had the preminition... Signed, Pyschic Lisa.
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(no subject) [Jun. 23rd, 2006|07:11 pm]
Lisa
Too much meat! I should become a vegetarian in protest of Stork's.
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